just questions…

i have been wondering about something… how is it that you can have hundreds of “friends” yet feel so totally alone? is this what the world is going to be like forever? all of us holed up inside, poking away at our keyboards, sharing pictures and stories? i am not trying to get a ton of responses just to prove something… nor am i trying to get more “followers”… am sincerely questioning what is happening in my life and was wondering if anyone else felt the same way… maybe i am depressed… maybe i am just bone deep tired of trying to fit in to the “norm”…

danced at an outside wedding over the weekend… a view of the ocean, wind in the trees, sun hot on my skin, talking with someone about life and watching the jet trails of the plane coming back from hawaii… watching friends hug and laugh and cry happy tears… it was like getting a drink of fresh cool water after a long hot day… there is so much out there in the world and i am tired of looking at it on a 10 by 13 limited window…

i am tired of trying to figure out if the conversation with someone online is real or are we just making up things to keep up the front we have created… don’t you feel the need to see friends face to face? to watch their eyes and their smiles? how can we “feel” what the other is feeling if  the sharing is in vr?

can we continue this way of communicating to one and still keep what makes us human?

 

amazing youth…

it’s graduation day here… memorials abound when normally sighs of relief and partying into the night are de rigueur … one of their own is gone, taken quickly and with no warning… we adults are stung, still reeling but moving along and forgetting the pain more and more each day… the youth (“kids” sounds too juvenile) here still hold her close to their hearts… still mourning, still shocked, still memorializing, still trying to cope.  do you see them? do you know how much they hold inside so as not to be uncool, too emo, too royal drama  to their peers?

to the youth around the world who are still trying to process the death of their own through shootings, alcohol, simple accidents… stay strong… lean on each other if you can’t get to your family… bring peace to the world by being the loving, caring people you hide from us…

thoughts… again

had to apologize the other day… for being an arrogant know it all… while thinking about the result it occurred to me that knowing yourself and apologizing when the not so nice bits manifest isn’t easy… but it is soul clearing and a clear lesson on watching and thinking about what you say to others… as well as really listening instead of picking only parts of the conversation to comment on…

ciao

retreat

it’s time to retreat, to move inside, to figure out where to go next. the barriers are back up and it makes it hard to feel others. this ability isn’t easy and so there is nothing left. wishing to fit in, to ask for acceptance is silly in light of true emotions. everyone has the right to feel. emo? no, far from it. but then that’s for you to decide, yes?

all things come from here now.