another 2am food marathon

yes again but this time there was a catch. to start, awhile back i got a spiralizer figuring that since vegies are good for you and they are not my most favorite thing.. okay I never eat them, happy now? ANYWAY, figured that if they looked festive and interesting they would get eaten. had some zucchini a friend gifted and cucumbers because cucumber sandwiches are yummy. fabulous thing that spiralizer. what they don’t tell you is that the food spirals out forever! i kid you not, the zuchini spirals were about 2 feet long and the cucumber spirals would have made an amazing ruffle on an edible outfit a la lady gaga! so i cut them up and threw in some baby spinach (another gifty, you people spoil me bad! wait, maybe it’s a hint?!) and some chopped green onions. in the mean time, chopped up a couple sweet potatoes, mixed them with some olive oil, sea salt and garlic and put them in to roast till soft. found a recipe for sweet potato fritters that sounded like something i could freeze. so now the part that caused everything to come to a grumpy halt. wanted to make a tzatziki sauce so started to get out the food processor but since there is limited space thought the magic bullet thingy would work fine. diced up the rest of the cucumbers, diced an entire lemon, added olive oil, a bit of garlic and threw in a couple large scoops of greek yogurt… plain and full fat since i know what they put in foods to make that “fat feel” but that’s another story. blended that, opened it up and wow! tasted great but was still a bit grainy so blended it again. to make a long story longer, the stupid lid/motor won’t come off! ran hot water over it, nothing. put it in the freezer for a few minutes, nada. pounded on it with a hammer, actually a heavy metal ice cream scoop, and only chipped the edge of the darn thing. so now it sits in the fridge while i wait till morning so i can go buy a hacksaw and some cheesecloth (cause there is no way i am not going to eat it after all this!). the sweet potatoes are chilling cause i need more green onions so that ended the marathon. sitting here with a cup of decaf which makes no sense so the next cup will be full out french roast caffeine with cardamom and nutmeg (closest i can get to arabic coffee). got a crossword book cause i am wired! have a great day!

on waking up with a mission

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i am really slow but eventually it all sinks in, and the dream of happily ever after takes on a different twist. it’s time to start focusing on realizing that this is the way it is… and that it has become what has always been in the back of my mind. 30+ years ago, i had a dream. I was in the back seat of a car, just sitting there waiting. suddenly the door opened on my right and i put my left foot out into what looked like blue glass. the minute i stood up and the other foot cleared the door i spiraled up. it was the most amazing feeling and heights are not my favorite thing. it is the only dream that has stuck in all these years. most people interpret it as being about death but there was no sense of the infinite, no sense of going home so to speak, never having believed it was about a white haired, bearded old man, harps, wings and endless clouds. now going over the details still etched in my brain (soul, mind, psychie?) my hands were not young, looked more like my mom’s than my own, and my body felt soft. but there was a vitality in that spin and the fresh air and i can remember laughing and smiling and excited because finally i was doing what i was supposed to be doing and life was going to be amazing from here on out to the infinite.

so maybe all those years ago, in the midst of being “famous” and a teacher (damn good one eventually) and being a presence on stage the universe was saying “yeah, you’re a star but that’s temporary and you will have to come to terms with the fact that the infinite has decided on something a bit quieter. you will have a lot of people you will call friends but you will do what we have planned without someone at your side. and it will be amazing and you will smile and laugh and take pleasure in the simplest things and that is how you will teach.”
j

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On Judgement.

The Inner Thoughts of An Extrovert

There used to be a girl in my homeroom class,

who always sat by the window and stared outside.

No matter the weather or the day,

all she did was focus on that same window.

She was quiet, spacey,

and a target for constant ridicule.

Teachers would yell at her to pay attention,

people would make fun of her,

but she never stopped.

Nobody knew what she was staring at,

why she was waiting,

or when she would stop.

We could only assume

what held her rapt attention.

One day,

she wasn’t at school.

The girl was always at school.

Regardless of the day–

this girl was always there.

Except, today she wasn’t.

People made jokes,

told stories about why she wasn’t there that day.

I never joined in,

but deep down,

I wondered just the same as everyone else.

After the period was over,

I waited for everyone to…

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The Liberation of Lambs

The Renegade Press

‘Liberty for wolves is death to the lambs.’

            -Isiah Berlin

People often speak in similes and metaphors. We find comfort in symbolism and allegories, creating a sense of spatial separation in our minds from that which we desire and those that haunt us. Business men refer to themselves as lions when they wish to appear dominant or king-like; school children degrade one another by calling their peers a chicken, a dog, or a pussy. And a person of low morals can often be labelled as a rat or a snake.

Even free thinkers are not exempt from this kind of hackneyed pigeonholing of their peers; labelling those that they consider to be mindless drones suckling on the bosom of society as lambs or sheep.

It’s no coincidence that we choose animals to explain or understand our behaviours either. After all, we are merely another creature that rose from the primordial depths and…

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Ashes, Ashes, We All Fall Down.

what i am feeling but said oh so much better! excellent.

The Inner Thoughts of An Extrovert

My life is on fire.

Skin burning and tingling,

your words are kindling as I go up in flames.

But you– you don’t care.

Not now, not yesterday, not ever.

Smoke from our burning memories fill my nose and eyes,

but I promised myself you wouldn’t make me cry ever again.

It stings, but it’s bearable compared to the pain I’ve felt

these last five years.

These last five very long years.

Your voice is the wail of the fire trucks in my ear,

Promising safety and security, but came a little too late.

Promises–the words that kept me chained in this old house as it burns.

each convincing, conniving letter just another metal link.

In the end, I stopped fighting–there was no longer any point.

There are worse ways to die than under your charcoal touch.

My ashes will fly away in the wind, finally free from you.

Finally…

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