so the 50,000 words in a month start today and i am still basking in the glow of another birthday. no, no parties or festivities or even a cake (rico not having opposable thumbs). no, the afterglow is the feeling of finding your place in your place. that feel of connection, of purpose and of peace. i am now 62 and i think i deserve to quit worrying. i don’t want to huddle with the masses, afraid of what’s coming next, what will happen if that and do we have any future.
i choose life and love and hope.
tonight i start my book, 1666.6 words per day. i have been doing this every november for about 13 years and haven’t finished one yet. this year i will because this year i will simply write and use paper and pencil instead of a computer… because then i can feel what is happening and where they (the characters) are going and how they are feeling. and i won’t plan i will just watch the “movie”. if you want to know what it’s all about, this novel in a month thing go to National Novel Writing Month.
thank you for all your well wishes, you truly are my friends and i “like” love you all
i have been wondering about something… how is it that you can have hundreds of “friends” yet feel so totally alone? is this what the world is going to be like forever? all of us holed up inside, poking away at our keyboards, sharing pictures and stories? i am not trying to get a ton of responses just to prove something… nor am i trying to get more “followers”… am sincerely questioning what is happening in my life and was wondering if anyone else felt the same way… maybe i am depressed… maybe i am just bone deep tired of trying to fit in to the “norm”…
danced at an outside wedding over the weekend… a view of the ocean, wind in the trees, sun hot on my skin, talking with someone about life and watching the jet trails of the plane coming back from hawaii… watching friends hug and laugh and cry happy tears… it was like getting a drink of fresh cool water after a long hot day… there is so much out there in the world and i am tired of looking at it on a 10 by 13 limited window…
i am tired of trying to figure out if the conversation with someone online is real or are we just making up things to keep up the front we have created… don’t you feel the need to see friends face to face? to watch their eyes and their smiles? how can we “feel” what the other is feeling if the sharing is in vr?
can we continue this way of communicating to one and still keep what makes us human?
had to apologize the other day… for being an arrogant know it all… while thinking about the result it occurred to me that knowing yourself and apologizing when the not so nice bits manifest isn’t easy… but it is soul clearing and a clear lesson on watching and thinking about what you say to others… as well as really listening instead of picking only parts of the conversation to comment on…
the air has a crispness that whispers of autumn… layers of clouds, some edgy, some ethereal mist scattered across the sky, give depth and create slivers of space, the rising sun slicing through to enhance the certainty that the universe is having a very good day… in the stillness, there is a quiet young peep, someone in the trees is hungry… the ocean waking up, slowly rolling around the rocks and driftwood, the smell sharp and salty… it is a new day and in this place, at this instant, the world is at peace…
some of the things i have learned are that I am not indispensible…that the world will continue to revolve if i am not in it…that the show will go on without me…that saying no doesn’t mean i am a bad person…or selfish…if someone is disappointed in me…it isn’t the end of the world. This doesn’t mean I should go blissfully along, secure in the fantasy that I am independent of everyone else because the fact is the things we choose and choose to do affect the planet…the universe…ourselves…everyone around us… the trick is to release and let it go about its business…you know soon enough if it was the right or wrong choice and worrying about it won’t change a thing.
every day i get a note from the universe (thanks tut.com!) so today i want to write a note back.
thanks for the day today. besides being full of great people, you really came through when it became apparent that i totally messed up my afternoon evening schedule. between the no shows, trees down from the storm, forgotten clients and slower than usual processing my afternoon has become very easy… all though i am working a bit later than i thought!
so thank you for listening to my rants and general bitchiness and interpreting as a request for help! it has been a pleasure playing in life today…
ps… just wanted to let you know the storm is really cool impressive! it has been great watching you work!!!