I am going off the social media hamster wheel… it will take a few weeks but it has to be done. other than the fact that I am spending too much time on the computer, my eyes are getting worse and the tremor in my left hand has increased i saw the sunrise this morning and it was gorgeous. I hadn’t seen it in a long time and realized that was what was wrong, why i was depressed and crying sometimes, zombie like at others. i was waiting for someone to talk to me, to ask how my day was, what was i doing, to write a letter (I love letters!) and that isn’t how the world is anymore. yeah i am a bit old fashioned like that. certainly not in the way i look, act or dress but inside i miss the “good old days”.
life has narrowed down to very specific things, examining it has become a bit of a pastime. what i found is that having stuff is stifling, crowded and not at all comfortable. so begins the cleansing…
during this process i have also found out a few things that i have been making every effort to ignore… i am scattered, i am lonely and i am tired.
the opening scene of chapter 2 in Rob Brezsny’s book The Televisionary Oracle cut deep and so i had to acknowledge the loneliness, i live in 450 sq ft room and still lose things so that needs to be addressed and i have been working far too many hours to stay afloat and adrift and haven’t decided if it is worth it.
the only thing that keeps me fully functioning is dance. don’t get me wrong, i love my work and if it wasn’t there i would probably have turned hermit a long time ago. but dance is where my soul flies free.
so tonight brings a new life chapter. dance becomes as important as work and others can use the clothes, dishes, books and stuff that I haven’t used, worn or even looked at for 2 years.
as for the loneliness, that can be fixed later… or not. after getting comfortable in this life again, we will take a look forward.
something happened on fb and found out that it can be a horrible place and i am having a hard time understanding people these days. is it because of age? have i been living in a fantasy world for 60+ years? are people truly as nasty, mean, etc. as their actions paint them? or is this an opportunity for people to finally become “famous” and it is an “anything goes” place to make that happen. a rape of a young girl is an opportunity for politicians to push their views on illegals ignoring the girl entirely and a “fb live” rape is watched and not reported and will probably hit you tube to go viral. what is wrong with this world’s people?
in a discussion the question came up “has it always been like this” or is it because of instant information, the access to news 24/7 and the need to be important… witness this blog of course!
in “the old days”, we had to wait until the tv stations went on air in the morning. can you imagine? absolutely no way to hear or see what was going on in the world. even most of the radio stations were off air at night. what did we do? we read, played games, talked to each other, talked on the phone… and may i remind you that people weren’t as heavy then, probably because we were always doing things outside or inside. now i confess, i don’t have regular tv, in fact it gets turned on about once a month, but i will spend 6 hours reading on any given sunday. no tv or radio on, just quiet and an occasional request from rico. and that to me is an absolutely perfect day. i have never subscribed to the constant noise that people require in order to not be alone. so i guess sitting and reading for 6 hours is similar to sitting on the computer for 6 hours so i really have no room to talk… but still…
yeah, this is a rant and there’s more to come. i have questions and thoughts and musings, so get ready ya’all!
It’s 4:00 a.m. You’re half asleep. You have to go to the bathroom, but you’re too tired to get up.
Source: You Are Not Allowed to Be Funny