hitting the wall

10 months of tension starting when wilbur died, brother was diagnosed with cancer, house was put up for sale and the beginning of people walking through my house all the time, brother got worse, house sold, brother died and the move to a place half the size as well as trying to help mom through all this or at least be there if she needed me… i want to cry all the time, having panic attacks, am so weirdly happy at times and and other times i feel as if i can’t breathe am so down… heart murmurs are back and scare the hell out of me… i need a four legged companion… specifically another mellow catman…

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