i am really slow but eventually it all sinks in, and the dream of happily ever after takes on a different twist. it’s time to start focusing on realizing that this is the way it is… and that it has become what has always been in the back of my mind. 30+ years ago, i had a dream. I was in the back seat of a car, just sitting there waiting. suddenly the door opened on my right and i put my left foot out into what looked like blue glass. the minute i stood up and the other foot cleared the door i spiraled up. it was the most amazing feeling and heights are not my favorite thing. it is the only dream that has stuck in all these years. most people interpret it as being about death but there was no sense of the infinite, no sense of going home so to speak, never having believed it was about a white haired, bearded old man, harps, wings and endless clouds. now going over the details still etched in my brain (soul, mind, psychie?) my hands were not young, looked more like my mom’s than my own, and my body felt soft. but there was a vitality in that spin and the fresh air and i can remember laughing and smiling and excited because finally i was doing what i was supposed to be doing and life was going to be amazing from here on out to the infinite.
so maybe all those years ago, in the midst of being “famous” and a teacher (damn good one eventually) and being a presence on stage the universe was saying “yeah, you’re a star but that’s temporary and you will have to come to terms with the fact that the infinite has decided on something a bit quieter. you will have a lot of people you will call friends but you will do what we have planned without someone at your side. and it will be amazing and you will smile and laugh and take pleasure in the simplest things and that is how you will teach.”