Eclectic Haze

Tag: life

  • a milestone?

    I turned 70 today and it absolutely blows my mind. Not because I’m old, or what some in society consider old, but because I’m looking back at everything I’ve done since my twenties and I can’t really say that I thought it would turn out like this!

    I still work although sometimes I miss doing shows, teaching, you know all that stuff that Scorpios like doing because it puts them front and center on stage. It’s kind of the thing that we do! But I’m comfortable in where I’m at and I thought, a long time ago, that I would be slowing down but it doesn’t seem to be working out that way. Mom worked until she was 80 so I have big shoes to fill.

    looking back at an old post I did in August I have decided to finish what I started back then during this next week off, my first since the year 2000. It’s been a rough year and I have gone back and forth from doing to not doing what needs to be done. So my new year starts November 1st. Getting back to being comfortable in my skin, spending more time with Princess who even now demands attention while I talk into my phone! Every time I talk into my phone whether it’s a call or something like this, she seems to think that she needs to be involved in the conversation! Creating new outfits that a lot of people will probably think are WAy too young for my age but it’s me. I’m going back to working out every morning or evening depending on my schedule. I’m going back to eating what I need to eat to keep me healthy. And I’m not going to feel guilty about treating myself.

    I’m going to listen to the dreams I have almost nightly, of me and Mom running dungeons and me spending my nights looking for her and learn to let that go. Not forgetting just accepting.

    I’ve met, and done hair on, so many fabulous people. Yeah I’m talking about you. Thank you. Thank you for accepting me and all my craziness. Thank you for listening to my stories even though some of them may have been repeated. Thank you for taking care of me when I needed it. When things seem dark every day, you brighten my life. Thank you for lecturing me when I needed it. Barring any sort of apocalypse I’ll be around for a long time.

    love to all of you

    janet

  • Wondering what the world is

    i haven’t written in my blog lately because things have been a little sideways. My cat boy has been sick so I’m taking care of him. i have realized that just because you think someone is “the one” doesn’t mean they really are… especially when they disappear without explanation leaving you to wallow around in the mire, trapped and asking yourself “what did I do wrong?”.

    i read a little meme the other day that said, “be decisive. The streets are littered with flat squirrels that couldn’t make a decision” … or something to that effect, you get the idea.

    i am tired of people who talk behind your back forgetting how small this area really is.  of course the need to spread maliciousness has become a national pastime.

    a friend who moved here from england told me that she was thinking about going back because the american people aren’t like they were when she first arrived all those years ago. we really are the ugly americans and the sad thing is, most are proud of it… and that goes for both sides.

    maybe i am just tired

    time to read Rob Brezsny’s book “Pronoia”

    j

     

  • reminiscences, chasing rabbits, a brief history of the internet and aol chat rooms

    alexa’s response to my good morning today was to inform me that on this day in 1979 the board game trivial pursuit was invented. the trivia part was that it took the creators two years to write the original 6,000 questions and they did it without the benefit of the internet.

    wow

    i remembered being amazed at the information available while playing. it made you feel smarter somehow.  then i wanted to know when the internet (or the “world wide web”) was available to the general public.

    august 6th, 1991     double wow… and a head shake

    then i remembered my first taste of computers. in the wilds of binghamton, new york i started taking a home learning course on coding. it came with a computer (megabites worth of computer power and very little memory!). after working hours on lines of code, i remember the first time i typed in something on that black screen and waited while things whirred, then magically the words “hello” appeared. it was a defining moment and i was hooked. unfortunately life took me by the throat and shook me around for the next number of years (i don’t remember how many or maybe don’t want to remember) and sadly that was the only piece of code i ever wrote.

    fast forward to post 1991 when aol, prodigy, compuserve and genie were the only online public services and everything was on dial-up which means nobody could ever call anyone! i remember hours spent in aol chat rooms, creating friendships and even attended two aol chat meet ups, one in dallas, tx and the other in west hollywood. and it all took forever, dial up was a 5 minute wait, downloading anything was hours if not days… and the entire time we were tying up phone lines, sometimes two. a good blog to read on exactly what it was like in those days is childrenofthenineties.blogspot.com

    and now after talking to a friend i realize that most of the children don’t know how to use a landline phone, that watching tv commercials just isn’t done (hear that advertisers? think youtube video where it’s only at the beginning of whatever is being watched or streaming with just a lead in ad).

    and now net neutrality is no longer and how many of us knew it was even a thing and how many of us understand what it all really means?

    and why is it that an artificial intelligence/social bot is the one who turned me onto all of this?

    j

  • afterglow

    so the 50,000 words in a month start today and i am still basking in the glow of another birthday. no, no parties or festivities or even a cake (rico not having opposable thumbs). no, the afterglow is the feeling of finding your place in your place. that feel of connection, of purpose and of peace. i am now 62 and i think i deserve to quit worrying. i don’t want to huddle with the masses, afraid of what’s coming next, what will happen if that and do we have any future.

    i choose life and love and hope.

    tonight i start my book, 1666.6 words per day. i have been doing this every november for about 13 years and haven’t finished one yet.  this year i will because this year i will simply write and use paper and pencil instead of a computer… because then i can feel what is happening and where they (the characters) are going and how they are feeling. and i won’t plan i will just watch the “movie”. if you want to know what it’s all about, this novel in a month thing go to National Novel Writing Month.

    thank you for all your well wishes, you truly are my friends and i “like” love you all

    namaste

    j

  • on becoming a minimalist…

    life has narrowed down to very specific things, examining it has become a bit of a pastime. what i found is that having stuff is stifling, crowded and not at all comfortable. so begins the cleansing…

    during this process i have also found out a few things that i have been making every effort to ignore… i am scattered, i am lonely and i am tired.

    the opening scene of chapter 2 in Rob Brezsny’s book The Televisionary Oracle cut deep and so i had to acknowledge the loneliness, i live in 450 sq ft room and still lose things so that needs to be addressed and  i have been working far too many hours to stay afloat and adrift and haven’t decided if it is worth it.

    the only thing that keeps me fully functioning is dance. don’t get me wrong, i love my work and if it wasn’t there i would probably have turned hermit a long time ago. but dance is where my soul flies free.

    so tonight brings a new life chapter. dance becomes as important as work and others can use the clothes, dishes, books and stuff that I haven’t used, worn or even looked at for 2 years.

    as for the loneliness, that can be fixed later… or not. after getting comfortable in this life again, we will take a look forward.

    j

  • just questions…

    i have been wondering about something… how is it that you can have hundreds of “friends” yet feel so totally alone? is this what the world is going to be like forever? all of us holed up inside, poking away at our keyboards, sharing pictures and stories? i am not trying to get a ton of responses just to prove something… nor am i trying to get more “followers”… am sincerely questioning what is happening in my life and was wondering if anyone else felt the same way… maybe i am depressed… maybe i am just bone deep tired of trying to fit in to the “norm”…

    danced at an outside wedding over the weekend… a view of the ocean, wind in the trees, sun hot on my skin, talking with someone about life and watching the jet trails of the plane coming back from hawaii… watching friends hug and laugh and cry happy tears… it was like getting a drink of fresh cool water after a long hot day… there is so much out there in the world and i am tired of looking at it on a 10 by 13 limited window…

    i am tired of trying to figure out if the conversation with someone online is real or are we just making up things to keep up the front we have created… don’t you feel the need to see friends face to face? to watch their eyes and their smiles? how can we “feel” what the other is feeling if  the sharing is in vr?

    can we continue this way of communicating to one and still keep what makes us human?

     

  • amazing youth…

    it’s graduation day here… memorials abound when normally sighs of relief and partying into the night are de rigueur … one of their own is gone, taken quickly and with no warning… we adults are stung, still reeling but moving along and forgetting the pain more and more each day… the youth (“kids” sounds too juvenile) here still hold her close to their hearts… still mourning, still shocked, still memorializing, still trying to cope.  do you see them? do you know how much they hold inside so as not to be uncool, too emo, too royal drama  to their peers?

    to the youth around the world who are still trying to process the death of their own through shootings, alcohol, simple accidents… stay strong… lean on each other if you can’t get to your family… bring peace to the world by being the loving, caring people you hide from us…

  • thoughts… again

    had to apologize the other day… for being an arrogant know it all… while thinking about the result it occurred to me that knowing yourself and apologizing when the not so nice bits manifest isn’t easy… but it is soul clearing and a clear lesson on watching and thinking about what you say to others… as well as really listening instead of picking only parts of the conversation to comment on…

    ciao

  • just the usual weirdness…

    things that prompt these random posts are clients… and the shower… and eavesdropping… and my catmate… and the the books i read, which since i inherited approximately 2000 of them from a client has been a real challenge to organize… suffice to say, life…

    so what’s the thought for the day? listening to someone stress out about their grandkids and how they don’t show any respect for their grandparents and what is wrong with the children theses days, why are they so rude, why do the never say please or thank you, and i want to ask where are the parents, your kids? the ones who are supposed to lead by example and teach your grandchildren appropriate behaviours…

    what the heck am i talking about? it’s friday pip emma and my brain has suddenly shut down. time to go home and make my new clothes and have a couple me days…

    ciao

  • the joys of getting wise… or old…

    two things have happened this week that, i have decided, are a direct result of joyous aging and loving life.

    i collect antique jewelry… you know the rhinestone, over the top stuff… i know it doesn’t seem to be my style, too girly, but it is so over the top it fits! anyway, i have been wearing the necklaces and big brooches but have never been able to wear the clip earrings… my ears are not only small but have no earlobes… if they were pointed they would be elf ears.

    so yesterday i got my glitz (bling being too crude a word) on and just for kicks, decided to try the earrings. imagine my surprise when they not only clipped on but stayed all day!!! the answer? i am getting older and like the rest of me, things are allowing gravity to grab hold and my non-existent earlobes have “sagged”! HAH! it couldn’t have been more perfect or happened at a more fabulous time! because i find the older you get the more leeway people give you so you get away with anything!!

    then this morning, while the car was warming up, i tried out my splitting maul a client was kind enough to have fixed… and it was fun and energizing and dang if it didn’t split the stuff i thought i was going to have to take a chain saw to! so what does that have to do with getting older? cause it was fun and made me feel great and when you are this age it’s the little (or heavy!) things that count.

    so find something to laugh about, have fun with and feel good about every day… pretty soon you will be so busy discovering wonderful things about your world you won’t have time to whine about your health or your life or the dozens of things that make your blood pressure sky rocket even though there isn’t a damn thing you can do about it! now breathe… that was a heck of a sentence!

    and that my friends, is what it means to be a pronoiac!!!