on becoming a minimalist…

life has narrowed down to very specific things, examining it has become a bit of a pastime. what i found is that having stuff is stifling, crowded and not at all comfortable. so begins the cleansing…

during this process i have also found out a few things that i have been making every effort to ignore… i am scattered, i am lonely and i am tired.

the opening scene of chapter 2 in Rob Brezsny’s book The Televisionary Oracle cut deep and so i had to acknowledge the loneliness, i live in 450 sq ft room and still lose things so that needs to be addressed and  i have been working far too many hours to stay afloat and adrift and haven’t decided if it is worth it.

the only thing that keeps me fully functioning is dance. don’t get me wrong, i love my work and if it wasn’t there i would probably have turned hermit a long time ago. but dance is where my soul flies free.

so tonight brings a new life chapter. dance becomes as important as work and others can use the clothes, dishes, books and stuff that I haven’t used, worn or even looked at for 2 years.

as for the loneliness, that can be fixed later… or not. after getting comfortable in this life again, we will take a look forward.

j

just questions…

i have been wondering about something… how is it that you can have hundreds of “friends” yet feel so totally alone? is this what the world is going to be like forever? all of us holed up inside, poking away at our keyboards, sharing pictures and stories? i am not trying to get a ton of responses just to prove something… nor am i trying to get more “followers”… am sincerely questioning what is happening in my life and was wondering if anyone else felt the same way… maybe i am depressed… maybe i am just bone deep tired of trying to fit in to the “norm”…

danced at an outside wedding over the weekend… a view of the ocean, wind in the trees, sun hot on my skin, talking with someone about life and watching the jet trails of the plane coming back from hawaii… watching friends hug and laugh and cry happy tears… it was like getting a drink of fresh cool water after a long hot day… there is so much out there in the world and i am tired of looking at it on a 10 by 13 limited window…

i am tired of trying to figure out if the conversation with someone online is real or are we just making up things to keep up the front we have created… don’t you feel the need to see friends face to face? to watch their eyes and their smiles? how can we “feel” what the other is feeling if  the sharing is in vr?

can we continue this way of communicating to one and still keep what makes us human?

 

amazing youth…

it’s graduation day here… memorials abound when normally sighs of relief and partying into the night are de rigueur … one of their own is gone, taken quickly and with no warning… we adults are stung, still reeling but moving along and forgetting the pain more and more each day… the youth (“kids” sounds too juvenile) here still hold her close to their hearts… still mourning, still shocked, still memorializing, still trying to cope.  do you see them? do you know how much they hold inside so as not to be uncool, too emo, too royal drama  to their peers?

to the youth around the world who are still trying to process the death of their own through shootings, alcohol, simple accidents… stay strong… lean on each other if you can’t get to your family… bring peace to the world by being the loving, caring people you hide from us…

thoughts… again

had to apologize the other day… for being an arrogant know it all… while thinking about the result it occurred to me that knowing yourself and apologizing when the not so nice bits manifest isn’t easy… but it is soul clearing and a clear lesson on watching and thinking about what you say to others… as well as really listening instead of picking only parts of the conversation to comment on…

ciao

just the usual weirdness…

things that prompt these random posts are clients… and the shower… and eavesdropping… and my catmate… and the the books i read, which since i inherited approximately 2000 of them from a client has been a real challenge to organize… suffice to say, life…

so what’s the thought for the day? listening to someone stress out about their grandkids and how they don’t show any respect for their grandparents and what is wrong with the children theses days, why are they so rude, why do the never say please or thank you, and i want to ask where are the parents, your kids? the ones who are supposed to lead by example and teach your grandchildren appropriate behaviours…

what the heck am i talking about? it’s friday pip emma and my brain has suddenly shut down. time to go home and make my new clothes and have a couple me days…

ciao

the joys of getting wise… or old…

two things have happened this week that, i have decided, are a direct result of joyous aging and loving life.

i collect antique jewelry… you know the rhinestone, over the top stuff… i know it doesn’t seem to be my style, too girly, but it is so over the top it fits! anyway, i have been wearing the necklaces and big brooches but have never been able to wear the clip earrings… my ears are not only small but have no earlobes… if they were pointed they would be elf ears.

so yesterday i got my glitz (bling being too crude a word) on and just for kicks, decided to try the earrings. imagine my surprise when they not only clipped on but stayed all day!!! the answer? i am getting older and like the rest of me, things are allowing gravity to grab hold and my non-existent earlobes have “sagged”! HAH! it couldn’t have been more perfect or happened at a more fabulous time! because i find the older you get the more leeway people give you so you get away with anything!!

then this morning, while the car was warming up, i tried out my splitting maul a client was kind enough to have fixed… and it was fun and energizing and dang if it didn’t split the stuff i thought i was going to have to take a chain saw to! so what does that have to do with getting older? cause it was fun and made me feel great and when you are this age it’s the little (or heavy!) things that count.

so find something to laugh about, have fun with and feel good about every day… pretty soon you will be so busy discovering wonderful things about your world you won’t have time to whine about your health or your life or the dozens of things that make your blood pressure sky rocket even though there isn’t a damn thing you can do about it! now breathe… that was a heck of a sentence!

and that my friends, is what it means to be a pronoiac!!!

 

wth!

is it my imagination or is everything costing more and getting smaller? bought a dozen eggs the other day, extra large. took them home along with with a few other things… $80 for 2 sacks of groceries. anyway, cooking breakfast i cracked 1 egg from the previous carton of local eggs marked medium and one from the “mainline” carton marked extra large. do you know that the extra large was the EXACT same size as the medium? what is wrong with this picture? are the local hens bigger? do they starve the production hens to lay more but smaller eggs? or is this just another way to lull us into complacency.  odwalla repackaged their pomagrand so i am now spending about the same for a smaller bottle.  kind of reminds me of gas companies jacking the prices up to almost $5 a gallon then making a big deal when it drops down to $4. does anybody remember 2 years ago when it was about $2.65 a gallon? they make cars that get over 50 mpg but can’t sell them here because it might hurt the economy if people weren’t buying as much gas. does it ever occur to anyone that if the gas prices were lower and cars went further,  people would go farther and spend more? does any of this make sense? probably not…

bottom line… i am tired of being manipulated and taken advantage of like i am an idiot and don’t know what’s really going on…

there… off the soapbox now…