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  • the simple life

    simplifying life has become an extraordinary journey. my mania about matching is really just that… mania. how many coats does anyone need? books are flying out the doors… and shoes. for someone who prided herself in having only what one could pack in the van, this life collection is now a lesson in letting go.

    i have never had a sentimental attachment to “things” and this collection shows how unstable my emotional life has been for a very long time. an over exaggerated sense of what we need to be “comfortable” can become a bit messy when we are unhappy… and the deeper that emotion goes, the messier it gets. these things become what gives us comfort… makes us feel safe… and loved…

    getting through this part is harder than i thought. there is absolutely no reason to have all this stuff. and so i am giving it all away. clothes, shoes, furniture, boxes of things i haven’t looked at it 15 years.

    so wish me luck my friends… going to be 60 in a few months so starting over at this time in life seems a bit silly… but it’s never too late… and so this becomes my way to freedom… out of depression, uncertainty and panic.

    can’t wait to get to the other side.

    j

  • Disengagement & Me

    absolutely perfect…

    Chris Nicholas's avatarThe Renegade Press

    ‘You are the cause of this sickness. And the cure for this disease.’

    • Jamie Hope.

    I, like many creative minds suffer from anxiety. I have a yearning desire that wants to continuously grow and develop in an effort to push the limits of my own creativity.  It’s something that I’ve always lived with, and something that I imagine will be present for the rest of my life. I constantly feel as though I am falling short; that I need to work harder, become better, and ultimately achieve. When I kick the bucket I want the world to pause, just for a fraction of a second so that people can acknowledge what I have achieved before it spins on and I am ultimately forgotten.

    For the most part this anxiety can be channeled into something positive. When I’m stressed I create, and when I create I come closer to my dream…

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  • thinking…

    not on fb a lot, it has become too hard to separate talking with sharing and pushy ads… yeah, i am getting a bit grumpy in my old age, but i think that a good number of “friends” are too busy with their own lives to bother much with mine… i miss socializing, miss the chat rooms of yesteryear! in those days the old chat rooms (anyone remember aol chats?!) were said to cause anti-social tendencies. they had no idea how far off that was. we talked all the time, got to know one another in depth on private chats, even got together at social events to meet face to face… and in those days it was like seeing your best friend after a long time away… but it isn’t like that anymore… i talk to people at work, clients and coworkers, but now talk to alexa and indigo outside of work more than i talk to real people… have i isolated myself? maybe… looking forward to beloved festival… to mingle and smile and laugh and be myself with people who don’t care about anything but the feel of the energy of a group, of dancing and singing without the judgements, of peace, love and understanding… sounds like a cliche but there it is…

  • a thing…

    few people know i am a “licensed and registered (at least in the state of oregon)” minister (pastor, priest, what? ). as such i  can marry people, have a “church”, etc. many people know that instead of prayers when requested, i send bubbles. red for grounding, pink for love and compassion, yellow, orange and green for healing, blues, indigo and purple for the spirit. of course there’s everything in between and the ultimate rainbow bubbles… reasoning? coming into self during the late 70’s early 80’s meant embracing not only who i was but what i was. it was also a time when crystals, ram dass, shirley maclaine, way of the peaceful warrior, native american and thousands of other religions, thoughts,  and consciousness streams were being bandied about like so many ping pong balls. and i was right there in the middle… chanting, leading creative visualization classes, teaching positive motivation, practicing earth magic (and freaking out when it worked! ) etc. we all were struggling to reach that place of peace, love and understanding we read about and listened to… and then we quit because it didn’t bring health, wealth and happiness… we watched our teachers and gurus get into trouble, get grumpy, get sick, generally be human… and get old… so i needed something fun and tangible (at least in my mind!) to counter the depression that sets in when you realize that what happens in life isn’t set by some outside force but by yourself…

    and so the bubbles…

    now? am going to start my own “church”, probably i will be the only one attending but i will also be the only one preaching!!!

    from here on out that’s what this will be… a place to share thoughts, readings, bubbles…

  • 21Oct14

    catman has gone over the rainbow bridge… as he was leaving i told him now he could run and jump and climb and shred things and kick ass cause his arthritis was gone and his heart was strong and he can eat anything instead of cat mush cause he has all his teeth… also told him to come back as a maine coon!! this flower started blooming yesterday and so i dedicate it to him. i will be offline for a couple days but i am at peace now that he is… thank you all for your thoughts and love and light… smooches and cat kisses…

    catman has gone over the rainbow bridge... as he was leaving i told him now he could run and jump and climb and shred things and kick ass cause his arthritis was gone and his heart was strong and he can eat anything instead of cat mush cause he has all his teeth... also told him to come back as a maine coon!! this flower started blooming yesterday and so i dedicate it to him. i will be offline for a couple days but i am at peace now that he is... thank you all for your thoughts and love and light... smooches and cat kisses...
  • an after death experience…

    an after death experience…

    so catman visited my dreams on tuesday night… he looked great, not sick at all, fluffy and cocky as hell… was standing straight and walking normal… he, of course, yelled at me for sleeping on the couch which is when i woke up and went to bed… some things never change…

    it does hurt bad though but i have found that talking to his picture really helps… weird but it works and whatever works to keep me from sinking any further is okay…

    compound this with another situation (of my own choosing, of course) and that old siren song “depression” echos in my head…

    so now i turn on my music and i dance… and that is what will save me…

    j

  • AN UDATE ON CATMAN

    to let you know what’s going on with the old man, let me start by showing you what the three main problems he is experiencing are…
    FELINE HYPERTHROIDISM
    Weight loss and increased appetite are among the most common clinical signs of this condition. Weight loss is seen in 95 to 98 percent of hyperthyroid cats, and a hearty appetite in 67 to 81 percent. Excessive thirst, increased urination, hyperactivity, unkempt appearance, panting, diarrhea and increased shedding have also been reported.  Vomiting is seen in about 50 percent of affected cats. Clinical signs are a result of the effect of increased T4 levels on various organ systems.
    HYPERTROPHIC CARDIOMYOPATHY:
     Scottish Fold cats have tendency to develop Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy. This disease is caused by thickening of the walls of the main pumping chamber of the heart, the left ventricle which can lead to congestive heart failure
    OSTEOCHONDRODYSPLASIA
    .All cats with folded ears develop osteochondrodysplasia. In cats which are homozygous for the abnormal gene (ie having two copies of it), a progressive, crippling arthritis develops early in life whilst in those which are heterozygous (with only one mutant gene), the arthritis tends to progress more slowly (Malik 2001). Affected cats may be grossly deformed, with short wide limbs and a short, inflexible tail. They show lameness, swollen wrist (carpal) and ankle (tarsal) joints, have an abnormal gait, and are reluctant to move and jump. Severely affected individuals become crippled and unable to walk.
    as you can see, it’s all pretty intense. he is on thyroid meds to slow the thyroid which slows his heart down so it doesn’t have to work so hard. he takes tramadol for his arthritis which helps with pain and allows him to move around, albeit slower than normal. the heart disease is a recent problem and talking to the vet for a long time, taking into account the amount of meds he is on now and the stress and trauma he goes through with tests and check ups, we have decided to keep him comfortable and watch for additional problems. he is comfortable, eats (alot!) purrs when we scrumful and i get on the floor and rub his belly, uses his catboxs like normal, likes to get under the covers and sleep with me (head on my arm, helps keep his head above his heart and lungs so he breathes easier). he does get tired very easy though and when he is sauntering (waddling actually but i try not to laugh cause he gets indignant!) around the house he has to nap frequently. he is stone deaf so i have to make sure he doesn’t stress out trying to figure out where i am.
    so i don’t go anywhere anymore and for those of you i have said i will be going to your events, i am sorry but i can’t. he may last only days or weeks or possibly months but as doc says, he is old and is slowly wearing out. we all do and i would hope that me being around helps ease his mind. thanks for listening and please send good, peaceful thoughts, prayers and energy.
    j

  • Ganesha / Ganesh – Spray Paint on Canvas by me…..

    amazing and beautiful…

    urbanwallart's avatarRay Ferrer – Emotion on Canvas

    Ganesha / Ganesh – Spray Paint on Canvas by me….

    Many of you have seen my previous post showing the 22 hours that went into the stencil to make this piece.

    Although the original painting is spoken for I am offering a limited number of signed prints in a couple of different sizes that are ready to frame and hang 🙂

    Original is 20″ x 16″ canvas, spray paint only, by me

    Here is the final product.  Click on the link below or on the image itself 🙂

    Available here —->  GANESHA PRINT

    Enjoy!

    Ferrer - Ganesh Small pic

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  • just questions…

    i have been wondering about something… how is it that you can have hundreds of “friends” yet feel so totally alone? is this what the world is going to be like forever? all of us holed up inside, poking away at our keyboards, sharing pictures and stories? i am not trying to get a ton of responses just to prove something… nor am i trying to get more “followers”… am sincerely questioning what is happening in my life and was wondering if anyone else felt the same way… maybe i am depressed… maybe i am just bone deep tired of trying to fit in to the “norm”…

    danced at an outside wedding over the weekend… a view of the ocean, wind in the trees, sun hot on my skin, talking with someone about life and watching the jet trails of the plane coming back from hawaii… watching friends hug and laugh and cry happy tears… it was like getting a drink of fresh cool water after a long hot day… there is so much out there in the world and i am tired of looking at it on a 10 by 13 limited window…

    i am tired of trying to figure out if the conversation with someone online is real or are we just making up things to keep up the front we have created… don’t you feel the need to see friends face to face? to watch their eyes and their smiles? how can we “feel” what the other is feeling if  the sharing is in vr?

    can we continue this way of communicating to one and still keep what makes us human?