Eclectic Haze

Category: thoughts

  • Ashes, Ashes, We All Fall Down.

    Ashes, Ashes, We All Fall Down.

    what i am feeling but said oh so much better! excellent.

    zachsmith98's avatarInner Thoughts of An Extrovert

    My life is on fire.

    Skin burning and tingling,

    your words are kindling as I go up in flames.

    But you– you don’t care.

    Not now, not yesterday, not ever.

    Smoke from our burning memories fill my nose and eyes,

    but I promised myself you wouldn’t make me cry ever again.

    It stings, but it’s bearable compared to the pain I’ve felt

    these last five years.

    These last five very long years.

    Your voice is the wail of the fire trucks in my ear,

    Promising safety and security, but came a little too late.

    Promises–the words that kept me chained in this old house as it burns.

    each convincing, conniving letter just another metal link.

    In the end, I stopped fighting–there was no longer any point.

    There are worse ways to die than under your charcoal touch.

    My ashes will fly away in the wind, finally free from you.

    Finally…

    View original post 134 more words

  • there’s that wall again

    life looms lonely and smiles turn to ash

    choices made create loneliness and loss of life creates the canyons

    that the universe has chosen to bless me with

     

  • teaching an old bitch new tricks

    teaching an old bitch new tricks

    let me preface by saying that the bitch referred to in the title is me and is of a canine variety, not an expression of temperament… although there are some who would argue that.

    recently had an accident of sorts which required a bit of surgery on left forefinger. it is truly amazing how losing the use of one digit can create such a huge change. i do hair and now that things have healed up, i fully expected everything to go back to normal… and it didn’t. so much for creative visualization. the fingertip is so hyper sensitive that running it through hair causes a kind of electrical pain shock and also makes me slightly nauseous. this is unfortunate since it is my job to “handle” hair. i am trying to desensitize it and am looking for some kind of numbing creme to use for work but until then i have to change and relearn something i have been doing for 43 years. now i understand that losing a limb or a digit can create changes that must be accepted and my forefinger problems are nothing compared to the life experiences some have to face. this particular blog entry is a simple observation of the way some accept the things the universe throws our way, karma be damned. i don’t accept them well and the temptation to whine and act the martyr is, well let’s just say tempting.

    this comes on the heels of another revelation but that will be a later post. not ready to put it down and actually look at it… forces one to acknowledge its existence and i am not ready for that…

  • a saturnian morning…

    a saturnian morning…

    up at 430, wide awake and pleasantly surprised at how happy i feel. drinking coffee, juiced all the lemons and limes and put them in ice cube trays for the freezer, made 2 vegi smoothies for the day and the egg sandwich that makes up my daily breakfast. went through all the crap on the table, threw most of it away, organized 2 stacks for weekend projects, 1 recipes and 1 belly dancing. topped the morning off by ordering 5lbs of yumearth organic lollipops for the salon. i feel amazing! have a great day.

  • 8 reasons why every woman should take up belly dancing

    Source: 8 reasons why every woman should take up belly dancing

  • The Lion’s Gaze

    Chris Nicholas's avatarThe Renegade Press

    There is an ancient fable from Terma in which Padmasambhava, a literary character, appears before a Terton and teaches him how to better focus his emotions. Padmasambhava says that when a stick is thrown to a dog, the dog will chase the stick. Yet when you throw a stick to a lion, the lion chases you. A dog’s gaze will always follow the object: the stick. The lion gazes steadily at the source: the thrower.

    Yep, that’s right. After a brief absence from this site I’ve returned to drop some obscure philosophy served with a side of self-indulgence on you that’s sure to leave you scratching your head wondering why the hell you’re even reading it.

    But hear me out. Open your mind and be prepared to look beyond the stick and instead focus on what is really important: the thrower, and why they tossed it in the first place.

    View original post 888 more words

  • hitting the wall

    10 months of tension starting when wilbur died, brother was diagnosed with cancer, house was put up for sale and the beginning of people walking through my house all the time, brother got worse, house sold, brother died and the move to a place half the size as well as trying to help mom through all this or at least be there if she needed me… i want to cry all the time, having panic attacks, am so weirdly happy at times and and other times i feel as if i can’t breathe am so down… heart murmurs are back and scare the hell out of me… i need a four legged companion… specifically another mellow catman…

  • the simple life

    simplifying life has become an extraordinary journey. my mania about matching is really just that… mania. how many coats does anyone need? books are flying out the doors… and shoes. for someone who prided herself in having only what one could pack in the van, this life collection is now a lesson in letting go.

    i have never had a sentimental attachment to “things” and this collection shows how unstable my emotional life has been for a very long time. an over exaggerated sense of what we need to be “comfortable” can become a bit messy when we are unhappy… and the deeper that emotion goes, the messier it gets. these things become what gives us comfort… makes us feel safe… and loved…

    getting through this part is harder than i thought. there is absolutely no reason to have all this stuff. and so i am giving it all away. clothes, shoes, furniture, boxes of things i haven’t looked at it 15 years.

    so wish me luck my friends… going to be 60 in a few months so starting over at this time in life seems a bit silly… but it’s never too late… and so this becomes my way to freedom… out of depression, uncertainty and panic.

    can’t wait to get to the other side.

    j

  • Disengagement & Me

    absolutely perfect…

    Chris Nicholas's avatarThe Renegade Press

    ‘You are the cause of this sickness. And the cure for this disease.’

    • Jamie Hope.

    I, like many creative minds suffer from anxiety. I have a yearning desire that wants to continuously grow and develop in an effort to push the limits of my own creativity.  It’s something that I’ve always lived with, and something that I imagine will be present for the rest of my life. I constantly feel as though I am falling short; that I need to work harder, become better, and ultimately achieve. When I kick the bucket I want the world to pause, just for a fraction of a second so that people can acknowledge what I have achieved before it spins on and I am ultimately forgotten.

    For the most part this anxiety can be channeled into something positive. When I’m stressed I create, and when I create I come closer to my dream…

    View original post 716 more words

  • thinking…

    not on fb a lot, it has become too hard to separate talking with sharing and pushy ads… yeah, i am getting a bit grumpy in my old age, but i think that a good number of “friends” are too busy with their own lives to bother much with mine… i miss socializing, miss the chat rooms of yesteryear! in those days the old chat rooms (anyone remember aol chats?!) were said to cause anti-social tendencies. they had no idea how far off that was. we talked all the time, got to know one another in depth on private chats, even got together at social events to meet face to face… and in those days it was like seeing your best friend after a long time away… but it isn’t like that anymore… i talk to people at work, clients and coworkers, but now talk to alexa and indigo outside of work more than i talk to real people… have i isolated myself? maybe… looking forward to beloved festival… to mingle and smile and laugh and be myself with people who don’t care about anything but the feel of the energy of a group, of dancing and singing without the judgements, of peace, love and understanding… sounds like a cliche but there it is…